Mark & Lorraine Stanton
What is Living Partnership?
Living partnership is willingness to walk with compassion, understanding and connection with other beings. Partnership implies a two way connection and mutuality not necessarily present in relationship.
Living because it is not static but continually changing and flowing with the beings involved and the situation. It is not just concerned with partnership between fellow human beings but interactions on many different levels between all beings.
We might have an idea of what partnership might look like between two human beings, perhaps even between man and a dog or cat, and between animals of a similar species. Have you considered partnership between you and a tree, or a lettuce. At Vowley Farm, we actively engage in partnership to the best of our ability with all aspects of life from each other and our fellow humans, to the cows, chickens and horses here, to the trees and hedgerows, the sun and the moon, the grass and the water in the ditches.
There is a universal spirit, an unseen force that links us all and in which everything works to perfection, often in spite of our human interference in the name of "control".
Living Partnership in Your Life
- Respect differences in fellow human beings
- Be honest and talk and listen with compassion
- Work in harmony with your family and friends
- Be willing to reach out and help those in need
- Appreciate the beauty in the world around you
- Don't throw litter
- Be mindful of the chemicals you use and do what you can to reduce pollution
- Don't wilfully harm or destroy
- When you take, always give something back
- Honour the grass, trees and plans as converters of our toxic waste, creators of beauty, homes for birds, insects and animals and food for us all
- Treat ants, spiders, wasps and flies with the same respect you'd treat your friends
- Look through the other's eyes (friend, animal or plant) to what they want, not what you think they want!
- Care for animals, with gentleness and love
- Actively be part of the solution rather than part of the problem
- Do something each day to brighten the world
- Stop to listen to the song of the sunrise and sunset
Inspiration
We have been truly blessed to have been supported and taught by some amazing people and situations. Our lives have been touched by some people whose names we do not even know, those selfless souls and good samaritans who have smiled at us in the street or offered us anonymous assistance when we most needed it.
You will find within this web site a number of people who have inspired us along our way. Wherever possible we have included them in the links on the right so you can visit them for more information.
Lew Epstein has been an inspiration to many men and women striving for understanding and loving in their relationships.
His life's work was built on listening with compassion which he defines as a deep appreciation for another's experience. Getting ourselves out of the way enough to hear what is truly going on for our partner is quite a challenge, and yet when we can achieve that, it is the gateway to breakthrough. As Lew says, "It's simple, but not necessarily easy".
Both Mark and Lorraine have participated in a variety of personal development programmes. Among our favourites are those organised by Insight Seminars. Insight is a worldwide organisation whose seminars are based on the simple message of living in our hearts. The seminars are powerful and practical and are one of the most compassionate, loving and safe places we have found to explore, learn and grow.
We could wax lyrical about inspirational books we have read, but at this time we will list just three :-
- "Trusting You Are Loved" Lew & Reppy Epstein
- "The Invitation" Oriah Mountain Dreamer
- Kinship with All Life
and suggest that you visit a bookshop, perhaps Amazon.co.uk for the UK or Amazon.com for our American friends, and browse:
Our Story
Our names are Mark and Lorraine Stanton.
In a (rather large) nutshell... we met on an Insight Seminars personal development course in September 1992.
Mark felt ready for (yet another)(Oi! I didn't know you were going to say that!) relationship and thought this was a good place to meet women. Lorraine had just returned from training in the USA and was reconnecting with friends in London. Having just ended a relationship, a new one was certainly NOT on her agenda!
Well, Mark's a persistent man and set about wooing Lorraine with beautiful music from his piano, becoming a firm favourite with her two daughters, Anna and Emily, and continually offering a gentle, compassionate, safe place where Lorraine's fears began to melt, and by December that year, the relationship was full on.
Over the next five months we checked out what we really wanted in relationship and grew ever closer finding many links, including our wish for a relationship built on lifelong commitment.
In May 1993, Mark visited friends in the USA and his trip culminated in Phoenix at an international gathering of people from Lew Epstein's Men's and Women's Clubs. Lorraine made a surprise visit to attend this gathering and Mark was so shocked he proposed!
Our marriage was a wonderful occasion, celebrated in a beautiful barn in Hertfordshire with 150 friends and family from around the world. It was a day in which we publicly declared our commitment to each other and to partnership.
We continued to live in Watford, on the outskirts of London. Anna had just started Secondary school and Emily was at a local Junior school. Mark commuted initially to Reading, then to London with contracts as a computer developer.
Meanwhile, Lorraine set about coming to terms with Mark's healthy income (having spent the last six years on income support), learning to let herself be loved and building a successful business designing and facilitating courses based on putting people in charge of their self-esteem at work, in relationships, as parents.
One year, Mark got bored. He'd booked holiday from work, we had hoped to get last minute flights to somewhere and go sailing, but couldn't get planes and boats to coincide... so Lorraine was turning her hand to renovating their new home... and Mark decided to go horse riding!
Well, you know how one thing leads to another? Over the next few years, he found that he was feeling stressed and dissatisfied at work but relaxed and engaged when riding - yet he was spending 75% of his time doing what he didn't like and about 2% doing what he did liked. Madness.
December 1998 - Christmas Eve, to be precise - Mark left the city (coincidentally Lorraine also took a break from her work) and moved up to Stafford to learn something about working with horses. He turned stable boy with almost £20 a week pocket money and visits home at weekends!
Our riding lessons, at a very respectable BHS facility, had been increasingly unsatisfying for us and we had started to question our relationship with the horses we rode. They were offered to us as a saddle on legs and something that needed to coerced and kicked or battled into doing what we asked. We were looking for another way - partnership with these horses.
During Mark's time at the stables in Stafford he experienced a similar dissatisfaction and left after a few months. He returned home to look after a friend's horse and signed up on Pat Parelli's programme.
In a matter of six months, Tom, the horse he was working with, became calmer and endured a visit from the farrier without needing to be sedated.
Mark took the opportunity to spend five weeks in Colorado at Pat's ranch as a student, passing his level one and moving on to level two.
On his return we were given a young horse called Jazz. She arrived on her two hind feet with bared teeth and swishing tail - very scarey for all of us! Whilst Mark continued his journey with Tom, Lorraine took Jazz on (or was it the other way around!). We all attended the UK clinic with Mark Rashid in March 2000 and our perspective on partnership with horses was transformed yet again.
We discovered that there were many web sites with lots of information about "Natural Horsemanship" (as we were calling it) but much of what was being offered in terms of hands on training and assistance was in the USA. However, on delving deeper, we uncovered a few trainers here in the UK and Lorraine hit upon the idea of publishing a magazine dedicated to "Natural Horsemanship" ,to inspire, encourage and inform the growing band of horse owners we were meeting who were also dissatisfied with their traditional approach.
Our move to Vowley Farm began as a wish to move out of the city, into the country and live with our horses. It has evolved and continues to do so and you can read more about that journey if you want here.
We all live in community and living with the intention of common-unity is part of our commitment to partnership in the wider sense, for it is in finding ways to join together that we can more safely celebrate our differences.